Real quick, define heart healthy. Tell me what the Cheerios people actually mean when they say that.

That phrase actually is bullshit. It’s marketing wank designed to illicit an emotional response from worrisome mothers and evidently specific dudes on the Internet.

And while there’s no firm definition of a UPF, there is an actual general understanding of what that term means. No one is going to look at a bag of lettuce and call it ultra processed. In the same stroke, you can’t look at a bag of Chex mix and tell at a glance what they’re made out of. About half the ingredients on the bag are synthetic. The rest have been reduced to their component atoms and reassembled in a way that’s still technically edible.

And brother, if you think we’re not giving UPFs to babies you’ve got a very rude awaking coming to you. Almost all of the foods marketed towards infants and toddlers are UPF. That’s actually a big problem and a likely contributor to the ongoing obesity problem we have.

As it happens the product you’re seeing babies eat isn’t generally Cheerios, it’s something made of rice that dissolves faster to prevent choking. What’s the marketing for it anyway. And the fact that you and most people without kids can’t tell the difference at a glance says something about the food we’re feeding to kids.

For your edification, choking hazards for children are a real thing, because we’ve failed as a society to teach our children how to chew. Because we’ve been feeding them processed crap from a spoon. If you give a baby a bit of food too big for them to swallow, they’ll pick it up and gnaw or gum at it for a while. Unless you put it in their mouth for them, in which case they’ll instinctively try to swallow it and you’ll have a problem on your hands.

They sure did. I just really wanted to talk about Cheetos I guess. Because I definitely read it as Cheetos.

That’s kind of loaded. Banned is a strong word but, Cheetos specifically were not only engineered to be addictive, but Frito-Lay isn’t even shy about admitting that.most of the snacks you find in the middle aisles are. Soda included.

Does calling me sweetie give you a boner or something? It’s cool dude I just don’t swing that way. And if I were gay I wouldn’t top for some country bumpkin like you. No offense.

“happily”

I’m sure she’s happy and not stuck. Whatever you need to tell yourself.

Oh no. Some sexist guy in the American Midwest won’t date the nebulous concept of a woman with bodily autonomy! What ever will the women do???

This isn’t saying you can’t get a divorce. It’s saying a woman cannot be legally obligated to fuck her husband.

Nothing I love more than seeing gross takes on the Internet from my home state.

You know what definitely doesn’t spur a people to revolution? A foreign power bombing them. If anything it has the opposite effect.

It took a string of military failures, a famine, and a lot of dead Italians before that picture could be taken.